I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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