You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
