I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
