Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
