dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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