youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
