Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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