I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
did i just pee glitter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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