how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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