great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
