With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
