Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
