I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ladies don't puke and tell
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
