we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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