before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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