I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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