listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
