i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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