The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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