i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
