So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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