goodnight i made you a song goodbye
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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