Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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