And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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