Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize