Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
