I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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