I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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