there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
