He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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