I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
