on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
