tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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