Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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