Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
