Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize