he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
