She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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