Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
