walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
