It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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