Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
