quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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