She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
