I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
