No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
