I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
