Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
