I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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