he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
