I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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