Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
