but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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