Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
