Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She bit a glass in half.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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