I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
pray to the hookup gods
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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