I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
