Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
