it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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