I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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