I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
