Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
