no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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I just want nice things and good sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My dick has a subreddit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!