So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
