i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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