Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
